Overcoming the Pressure to Perform

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been working on a big project at work. It’s been one of my first big projects at my new job. Being a new girl, I want to impress people and to prove myself. I feel like people are watching me to see how I respond, and it is so easy to get caught up in trying to make a name for myself, not wanting to disappoint anyone and wanting to excel at my new job.
For the last couple of weeks, I have found myself feeling the pressure to perform, spending huge amounts of time on the project, working late, and starting to worrying about it. I’m usually good at leaving work at work when I go home each day, but this project started to dominate my thoughts and drain my energy,

A little over a week ago, I went to visit some of my campus partners that I am working with on this project, part of my dream team. I was flustered and chaotic, starting to freak out about everything on the to-do list and all the loose ends that had to get done. Yet, they were calm. They didn’t seem flustered. And they had much more on their plate than I had on mine. It prompted my thinking and helped me put this project back into perspective.

And then I read this book, Golf’s Sacred Journey by David Cook. I am not a golfer, and I had plans to give the book to a friend of mine. I picked it up just thinking I would give it a quick glance; I didn’t put it back down. This book was just what I needed, when I needed it. It went straight to the heart of what I had been struggling with – this pressure to perform, the fear of failure, the lack of balance and rhythm than was missing.  It reminded me to look at the bigger picture, the larger perspective of my life beyond this project and even this job. My life the last couple of weeks has been out of kilter because I had started focusing so much on this project, that I started neglecting the other good things in my life. I started valuing the opportunity to impress and make my mark instead of going about my business quietly and diligently (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12).

Yesterday, I finished reading the book, and I took some time to really ponder its message. Then I thought again about the project, a project that is outside the normal scope of my job description, a project that is outside my realm of expertise, a project that I care deeply about but not one that is directly related to my sense of calling and my particular gifts. It seems strange that I started wanting people to weigh me by this project, or that this project would somehow define me.

So I decided to relax, to take off the burden of the expectations, to do my best but to leave the anxiety behind. And I went to work, three days before the project launches, in the midst of chaos and loose ends and details to be worked out. But this time, that chaos didn’t characterize me. I had found my balance and rhythm again. I had gleaned new perspective, and I had found that peace and contentment that had been missing. I remembered that my identity is wrapped up in Christ alone. And strangely, this huge burden started to seem more like a small project, a blip on the radar screen that will all too quickly fade away.

I highly recommend the book. Even more so, I highly recommend finding that balance and rhythm in a life centered in Christ. There is no better place to be. He beckons - “Come unto me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30, NIV).

Those words are good news for my week and for my soul!

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

Sometimes I stare into the mirror and seek validation. I want to see me at my best, all my effort and all my strengths. I try to block out all the blemishes (and freckles), all the mismatched clothes, all the parts of me that I don’t like. The mirror doesn’t lie, good or bad; it doesn’t take sides or flatter. It just reflects what is really there.

I wish what I saw looking back at me was less of me and more of Christ. I wish that was the reality in my life, more of His joy, more of His peace, more of His love. I wish when people looked at me that they would see more of Him. I wish I didn’t get so caught up in my life, my wants, and my frustrations. I want a heart that mirrors His, a life that reflects Him and His glory.

This training has been part of God’s chiseling process in my life. The desire to run this race began with the passion to do something more, first as Carolyn’s passion then as mine. We both have the desire to raise money for Samaritan’s Purse, and even more so to offer our running as an offering to God, a way that we can glorify Him with the desires of our heart.

There have been many times in my life when the desires of my heart have not honored God – times when I have been completely selfish and sinful and closed off to the people around me. There have been times I have intentionally closed my eyes to the needs of others and sat on the sidelines versus getting involved in what God was doing or might want to do in or around me.

When I went to Nicaragua this summer, I was so completely uncomfortable not letting it be about me, and so completely inadequate to respond to the overwhelming need around me. God did some amazing things there but I still felt on the sidelines, not sure how to respond or what to do. I think about that even now, the needs that exist everywhere, and so often I close my eyes and my heart. I want to open my eyes and my heart – I want to see and to care. I want to be different.

And so I run. And I run with purpose, to glorify God and to help those in need. I choose to support Samaritan’s Purse because they not only see those needs but they work all over the world to meet those needs in Jesus’ name, with disaster relief, fighting sex slavery, providing drinking water, reaching out to the poor and the needy, sharing God’s love and His truth.

The running is slow going, particularly in the cold. I ran five miles yesterday to get ready for the Governors’ Cup 8K next Saturday. Then I proceeded to get sick for the rest of the day. Ugh. Please pray for me and for Carolyn and for the others running with us. Pray that God would be honored in our running and our training. Pray that as He prepares us physically for this race in February that He would prepare us spiritually for all that He has in store for us. And pray that as we raise awareness and support of Samaritan’s Purse that we would all open our eyes and our hearts to those in need around us, that we would be mirrors reflecting the love and the truth of Christ.