Does Prayer Really Work?

There was a time when I did not know how to answer that question. I remember in college, hearing a message one time that said if you prayed for anything for 30 days that God would answer that prayer. I remember struggling to think of anything that I had prayed for fervently for 30 days straight. I was at a loss. I remember coming back making up my mind to try it out with excitement and anticipation of how God was going to answer my prayer. After all, if God did not answer, then it must be I am not praying hard enough, or want it badly enough, or I must have unconfessed sin in my life, or God must not care. Right?

Shortly thereafter, I remember sharing my new commitment with a friend. Instead of sharing my excitement, he became outraged. 30 days? He looked me in the eyes and told me that he had prayed for YEARS for his parents to get back together, prayed for healing from the ravage of divorce in his family’s life. Where was God in that? Why did God not answer those prayers?

Stunned, I had no answers, good answers. I had heard some of the common sayings people in church like to say to make others “feel better” – just keep praying, pray harder, get right with God, God will give you the desires of your heart. Sayings all too reminiscent of Job’s friends who all thought they had the answer to Job’s suffering, that they knew what needed to happen to make things right for healing to occur. (See Job 3-36). I knew enough to know those answers were insufficient, as well as callous and insensitive. They were not what my friend needed to hear. I wanted to offer him something more. I wanted words of healing and comfort, but none came. Just silence, awkward silence.

I never forgot that sense of hurt and disillusionment in my friend’s eyes and in his words. Maybe you have been there, I have, when the answers do not come, and you start to wonder if God is there, if He really cares – waiting for healing that never comes, suffering through disease or burdens or loss. I know of many friends praying for husbands or children or settledness in work, praying for restored relationships with family and friends. There are many of us grieving broken hearts, broken lives, broken families, broken communities, and many of us have prayed fervently for God’s healing. We cry out for God to fix it. It is the yearning of our hearts to be made whole in Him, and yet sometimes all we have are broken pieces and silence, awkward silence.

Where is God in the midst of brokenness and suffering? Where is God in the midst of seemingly unanswered prayers? I have learned a lot about the inadequacy of false answers to those questions. When I am suffering, I do not want cliches or empty reassurances. Many times we do not know the reasons for our suffering or how long it will last, and we question if/how God can work it out for good.

One of my life verses is 1 Peter 5:10 – "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

I love this verse because it is a message of hope - of a time when the suffering is over, and God has brought us to a place of restoration and settledness in Him. But I struggle with it, too, because it assumes suffering is part of the equation. It does not qualify how long we must suffer. It doesn’t say all will be made right here and now. It says there is a future when all will be made right - when God will wipe away our tears (Revelation 21:4) once and for all.

In the meantime, as we are in the midst of brokenness and suffering, here are some other truths that have encouraged me:

• God is control (1 Chronicles 29:11-13).
• He cares (Matthew 10:29-31).
• He hears our cries (Exodus 2:23-25).
• He cries with us (John 11:35).
• He has struggled & suffered, too (Hebrews 4:14-16).
• He wants to restore us (Jeremiah 29:4-14).
• He yearns to give good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:7-11).
• Suffering is not necessarily from sin (John 9:1-3).
• He doesn’t always say yes to our prayers or remove our suffering (2 Corinthians 12: 7-10).
• Yet, He is the Father of all compassion & comfort (2 Corinthians 1: 3-11).

Does prayer really work? Yes, my friend. Rest assured. It matters to God. It draws us to closer to Him and allows Him to meet us in the midst of our suffering and struggles. It reminds us of the depths of His love for us and our dependence on Him, even as we wait and as we yearn for His healing touch.

How, then, should we pray for ourselves and others? Stay tuned.

For Better & For Worse - Moving Beyond the Worst

Over the last week, I have looked at some of the worst aspects of marriage, the brokenness and the hurt that is left in the aftermath of broken promises and abused trust. And I have only dealt with two topics – pornography and money. I haven’t even gotten to adultery and abuse, abandonment and apathy. I can introduce you to many more of my friends and their stories.

Like my friend Ellie, whose husband just decided one day that he didn’t want to be married anymore, or my friend Carol, whose husband left to “find himself.” Meet my friend Erika who found herself in an abusive relationship, characterized by fear instead of love. And meet my friend Andy whose wife constantly complains about him, or Steve who constantly complains about his wife. Meet my friend Leigh who has let years of bitterness and resentment build up between her and her husband, or my friend Danny who struggles to remember what he loves about his wife.

The truth is there are many evils that can take root in marriage, much bitterness, deep wrongs, and broken promises. Oh the promises – they sound so good on the wedding day…

I do solemnly take you to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.


…but oh, to live those promises out is much harder I’m afraid. To have a marriage where both spouses choose to love and to cherish each other, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of money or distractions, to commit to be with each other, to share life together as one for the rest of their lives – that is much harder. That’s a God-level commitment that we can’t make on our own.

We are flawed, imperfect people, and even when it is the last thing we want to do or intend to do, we inevitably let each other down. We fail. Sometimes we slip, and sometimes we utterly fall. But, praise God, He is a God of grace and a God who restores and redeems! He is a God who gives us strength and makes the impossible, possible in Him.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, and will bring you back from captivity.” – Jeremiah 29:11-14

As I ponder these promises from God’s word, I have hope, hope in spite of broken human promises, hope in the faithfulness of God, in the strength of God, in the sovereignty of God. Marriage is a promise before God, but it is ultimately a covenant with God.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, he who labors, labors in vain.” – Psalm 127:1

God, I am utterly incapable of loving as you loved. But as I seek you, may your love of me transform my life and this relationship. Enable me, us, to love each other as you have loved us, to be faithful and true, to be patient and kind, to act with integrity and intentionality, with gratitude and kindness. Let no bitterness or resentment set in, root out all apathy and complacency. Fill us with who you are and allow us to feast on your goodness in our marriage, day by day, from this day forward.