Listening to the Music

Have you ever danced to a song that you didn’t know? Or to music that you couldn’t quite hear? It’s like dancing blind, hoping you are moving in the right direction, trying to keep up with your partner’s steps, and anxiously anticipating what is next. You find yourself guessing instead of moving with confidence, and sometimes you get it right and sometimes you trip over your own feet. If you’re with a good partner, you can make it work for awhile. It can even be dizzying fun. Without the music, though, seldom will you be able to settle into rhythm and grace together, to discover the intimacy that brings the music alive and expresses it in new ways.

I’ve been learning to listen to the music. I’ve often joked that I’m rhythm-deaf, just as some people are tone-deaf. Sometimes I would rather tune out the music and just trust my partner to figure it out for me, to keep me on my feet, and to have a good time. It’s easier sometimes than slowing down and learning to listen for myself. Listening requires training my ear and then translating it to movement. It means that I have to know the song, and I have to know myself, trust myself, and I have to communicate with my partner.

Of course, I’m referring to more than dancing. As true as it is of me on the dance floor, when I don’t know the song, I have found it to be just as true of me in relationships. I need to learn to listen to the music for myself, to know the song that God is playing in my heart, and then to step boldly and confidently in the direction God is leading. And if we’re both dancing to the same song, then we begin to move in sync with each other. It becomes a beautiful thing.

It has been a month since M & I broke up. When I could finally hear the music myself, when we could finally share our different songs, then we realized we’ve been dancing to different tunes, that the rhythm and timing and fit was off, that it wasn’t just busy schedules that kept us apart. And it’s sad. When you find a good dance partner, you don’t want the music to ever stop.

There is also the joy, though, of hearing the music again and realizing it is quite a beautiful song that's been playing in the background all along. The moves come easier now because the movement is the expression of something deep within my soul, stirred by love and by the notes of the Master Musician. I step freely with new boldness and confidence in Him. And while I now find myself alone on the dance floor, I choose to dance and enjoy the music!

Learning to Dance, Together

A friend of mine asked several weeks ago, if M & I dance all the time. The short answer to that is no, not nearly as much as either of us would like. But we danced today. We turned on the music, and M twirled me around. It had been awhile, though, since my lessons, so I didn’t remember the steps. I was left hopelessly trying to follow his lead without any idea which direction I was supposed to be heading. And wow, I had fun, dizzying fun. As far as dancing, though, it was a pretty pitiful performance. All we could do was laugh.

Tomorrow marks five months with M, a milestone worth celebrating for both of us. These months have been a journey, a journey of two individuals who are used to dancing to their own music and doing their own thing, trying to figure out what it means to learn to step together, in sync with each other. There have been dizzying fun moments and some pretty pitiful ones too. But it has been such a worthwhile journey and one that God has used for good in both of our lives. It has been amazing to discover some of the calling that God has on his life, a willingness to be in the tough places, to do work that matters, and to do it well. It has been freeing to be able to share the work that is important to me, the things that matter, and the ministry that God has called me to. And it has been exciting to consider the ways that those may overlap and to see new possibilities, new music, emerge as God continues to write the story between us.

I thought when I started this blog series months ago, that I had all the posts figured out. I had a plan and had rehearsed all the steps. Sometimes, though, I have learned that you have to throw out all the plans and the steps you think you know, to stop and to listen to the music, to be present in the moment to see what God is saying & doing right then. He is at work. He created us for relationship, with Him and with each other. And when we stop and listen, we can see Him drawing us to Himself, teaching us what it means to love and to be loved. It’s a beautiful song. It’s not an easy one, though. It takes some hard work and practice.

We’ve been practicing. And slowly but surely, we’re learning to dance together.

~E

An Invitation to Dance: From Wow to Who

When I first met M, he was just another new guy in our life group. He tells the story about how I pawned him off on others in our group and sent him to have lunch with strangers. The truth is we were all strangers at that point, and I didn’t want to leave him completely stranded. Then he disappeared for awhile and then he reappeared, and then he started coming around more regularly. We had an occasional conversation from time to time, nothing particularly noteworthy. I remember, though, a couple of wow moments, comments or observations that caught my attention, moments that likely went unnoticed by others but things that I noticed, things that piqued my interest, things that reflected a tender heart and a strong character, things that made me want to know more of who this guy was. The wow led to a desire to know the who.

It reminds me of Ruth in the Bible who found herself working the fields belonging to Boaz. And something about her caught his attention. And so he asked, “Whose young woman is that?” Something about the way she carried herself, and then her reputation as one of noble character, one who had left everything to return to Israel with her mother-in-law, something about her caught his attention. There were some wow moments there, and the wow led to a desire to know the who. And so Boaz invites her to feast with the workers. He invites her into his favor and his protection, and ultimately into relationship with him as her kinsman-redeemer. (See the book of Ruth for the full WOW story.)

It also reminds me of the great WOW story in my life. As many of you know, I grew up in church and spoke Christianese like a second language. But it was only when I was 25 that I experienced the Wow factor, the transforming love of Christ in my life. It was a time when I felt like I was a failure, a time when I was confronted with things I didn’t like about myself, a time when I desperately needed to be loved, a time when I was convinced I didn’t deserve it. Enter grace, and a dear pastor who one day grabbed my arm. Without any premeditated intent or any hesitation whatsoever, he spoke the words I most needed to hear, “I still love you.” Powerful words. Enter God. And a radio that played the song “When God Ran” in which the chorus echoes the same refrain over and over, “Do you know I still love you?” Transforming words, life-changing truth. Wow! That’s the Gospel, the GOOD news, that “God demonstrates His love for us in this, that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” When we were at our worst, when we are at our worst, God still loves us, and He lives that out tangibly through the cross, through new life, abundant life, eternal life in Him. WOW! If He can love me like that, I want to know Him, to walk with Him, to be in relationship with Him all of my days. The Wow always brings us to the Who, it gives us a desire to know Him and to be known by Him, to experience the fullness of His love and His grace, to be in relationship with the One who created us for relationship with Him, the One who invites us to dance in His presence and to enjoy Him forever. WOW! My life has never been the same.

Learning to Dance, Intro Part 2

As I planned out this series of reflections on learning to dance, I had in my mind to capture the journey of walking with God in relationship, learning to dance to the music He is playing as He calls Michael & I deeper into relationship with Him and with each other.

There is probably much I could share about the journey, about the excitement of getting to know him and the messiness of learning to share life together, about his character or our story. What I have in mind, though, is not a play-by-play of our relationship, but rather a focused look at who God is and how He reveals Himself in relationship. As I pondered the best way to do that, I decided to reflect on four particular themes:

• An Invitation to Dance: From Wow to Who
• Becoming a Good Partner: Who am I in Relationship
• Listening to the Music: Syncing Up with God
• Developing Rhythm & Grace : Syncing Up with Each Other

As I reflect on each of these themes, I want to focus on God’s truth and His love, His desire for relationship with us and the opportunity He gives us to dance to the music He is playing. I hope you will join me in the journey. Whether dancing solo or as a couple, I hope it will be a time to join Him in the adventure of discovering anew the beauty and the rhythm of a life in sync with Him.

~E

Learning to Dance

One of my friends loves swing dancing. She tells me, for her, dancing is apt metaphor for dating relationships – moving in sync together, connecting both physically and emotionally with the music and with each other. I don’t usually enjoy dancing, so the metaphor was somewhat lost on me until the last couple of months when I found myself in a new relationship with a guy who loves to dance.

Since then, what I’ve discovered is that all of those things are true; the metaphor works on many levels. Both dancing and relationships require a deep level of compatibility & trust, a healthy dose of chemistry, lots of practice, and even a good deal of fun. As this new guy in my life has been patiently teaching me how to two-step, God has been patiently teaching me about relationship, about how to be in relationship, about how to dance with another to a new song.

And so, I want to capture the journey of what God is doing in my life as we seek His will together for our future and as we learn to dance together to the beautiful song that God is writing in our lives. I hope you will join me for this series of reflections on lessons learned and reminders about the God who loves, the God who heals, the God who provides, and, yes, the God who writes beautiful songs.

Please pray for me (and for us). I’ve danced before, mind you. But I’ve long considered myself rhythmically challenged. It requires a lot of effort and commitment to get me onto the dance floor and even more to enjoy myself in the process. It’s harder than it looks, but it’s worth the work. He’s worth the work, and it’s pretty amazing to get to dance together to the music. :)