Going Through the Motions - Confessions, Part 2

Enough of the philosophical talk… I think all of you know by now why I am doing this race and being a part of this journey. It is much easier, I have to admit, to talk about that part, than to talk about my actual training. However, it is an inescapable part of my journey to get to where I want to be.

My training has not been going well. I took a couple of unplanned weeks off over the break. Without my running partner and without accountability, it was a little too easy to put training on the back burner for the holidays. I did take a scenic run through the snow, for fun, but overall I lost more distance than I built up over those couple of weeks. And getting back on track has not been easy.

Over this last week, I have been reminded why I run, and I’ve shared that with you. I know the cause is worthy, but sometimes I get beat down by the actual implementation. Even with the new year, the built in time for new beginnings and new motivation, I have struggled to get started anew. The challenge seems great and the work – well it feels like work instead of something I look forward to.

Part of what I love about running is getting rid of my stress, feeling like I don’t have to compete with anyone except myself and my previous time or my personal goal. But lately, I have felt like the weak link, like I can’t compete with the others on my team. I feel stressed about running – not doing enough, not being good enough, not eating well enough… and the list goes on. All I can think about is everything that I am supposed to do compared to everything that I am doing and feeling like I am letting myself down.

 As I have tried to get my mental game back, I thought about how many times I approach God like that – like a checklist of work that I have to do, like someone who is there to remind me of how many times I screw up. I get caught in a similar game of going through the motions or comparing myself to others. I get caught up in the disciplines of the Christian life, instead of living abundantly in Him and resting in His love and grace. In Him, I don’t have to be good enough. And when I screw up, He forgives me. He restores me and helps me get back on the path to success. It is incredibly freeing to not have to be perfect, to be able to be the best me that I can be and to know that I am loved regardless.

For me, then, the challenge this week has been how to get that sense of freedom back in my running. I went to the gym yesterday and started to go through my list of how far I should run or all that I needed to do. I set the list aside, though, and instead, went to have fun. I went to workout for me, to remember what I love about running. I sweated my worries and my stress away. It felt great to forget about the have-tos for a little while and re-discover the want-tos. And that is my current goal. Don’t ask how many miles I will run this weekend. The truth is, I’m not sure. But I want to have fun doing it.

Instead of going through the motions of training and resenting it, I want to enjoy the journey, to be focused on our cause, and to spend quality time with my team. Instead of going through the motions in my spiritual life, I think God similarly wants the desires of my heart to be focused on Him, for me to enjoy Him, to love Him, and to spend time with Him.

One more thing I love about running… what God teaches me through it about life. J Thanks for reading and for sharing the journey. Thank you to those who have supported us financially. We greatly appreciate it.

http://www.firstgiving.com/columbiacollege-teamsp