Dancing to the Music

Some people are tone deaf; I am rhythm-deaf. I have an incredibly hard time feeling the music. I have always loved music, but it never comes naturally to me. I can read notes on a page but can’t seem to feel music the way others can. I think this is why I struggle so much with dancing. People say just listen to the music – I listen, but I am more apt to sing than I am to figure out how to move with it.

But last week, I was feeling extra adventurous and decided to go swing dancing with some friends. It was something very much out of my comfort zone, which is part of what attracted me to it. And since I knew I was with people I enjoy being around, I knew I would have fun even if this dancing thing didn’t turn out so well.

And so, I was introduced to the world of swing dancing. And it started off rough. After a very short beginner lesson, I was still nowhere near comfortable with the steps and pretty overwhelmed with the feeling of not being able to “get” it. There were several gracious guys that were patient enough to “lead” and help me figure it out, and then there were those I could tell I obviously frustrated by getting so out of sync. Ugh!

As the night went on though, I started thinking about this experience. I am ultra-independent. I prefer and need high levels of autonomy in just about everything I do. And dancing bucks that trend. I need a partner, and I need to follow my partner. I am used to taking the lead. It is very different to take my cues from someone else, to really listen as they communicate nonverbally with me and to learn to trust their moves.

I know I need more practice with those skills – when it comes to dancing and when it comes to life. Just like with music, it doesn’t come naturally for me to slow down and get in sync with others. I am a people-person. I thrive on relationships. But when it comes to projects and work, I prefer to leave others behind and do my own thing – not in a malicious or indifferent kind of way, but rather with a sense of getting things done in the most efficient way possible. Way too often, I find myself marching to my own drummer (and off-rhythm) instead of working to get in sync with those around me.

I learned the hard way that it is disastrous on the dance floor to get out of sync. One can go flying, or trip, or clash with your partner if you move in the wrong direction or miss a step. The success of the dance requires that both partners be in sync the whole time, reading each other’s cues and moving together with the music. There is something beautiful, though, about seeing two people move together when they “get” it, to sense the chemistry and synergy of the couple as they float effortlessly across the floor.

I sense there might be something beautiful about finding ways to work with others, of learning that trust, and not having to “lead” all the time. There might be something worthwhile about slowing down and picking up the cues of those around me that might help me avoid disaster and flops. I wonder what it would be like to have that kind of chemistry and synergy on and off the dance floor.

Hmmm… I sense I have only scratched the surface. I still have much to learn here. Maybe some more dance lessons are in order?