Day 17 – Speaking with Intentionality

As I ponder the integrity question, I realize that it really is a mind and heart question, both changing the way I think as well as the way I feel. I look to the book of James to start my thinking. I think integrity encompasses a lot of things, but it starts with “letting your yes, be yes and your no, be no” (James 5:12)– meaning what you say and speaking with intentionality.

This is something I struggle with and here are a couple of ready examples from the weekend. Let’s start small… sometimes I am just completely mindless in conversation. The guy behind the counter at the gym tells me to have a great workout, and I respond with “you, too” even though he is not working out, merely because I responded to what I thought he was going to say instead of actually listening to what he really had to say. It’s a small thing, but listening counts. Did I mean what I said? No, what I said didn’t even make sense.

Or the time last week in class when one of my classmates made a comment about an exam question. Instead of listening and responding to what she said, I immediately react without thinking, with my frustration at something entirely different. Speaking mindlessly.

Other times, I speak mindlessly and it has a lot more serious ramifications, disconnecting my words from the impact they will have or how I want them to be interpreted. I speak mindlessly and I hurt people that I care about, or I offend people without knowing that I have done so. I get so caught up in expressing myself that I miss what they are trying to say or I become oblivious to the hurt that I have inflicted.

Somehow, I need to pause intentionally, choose to really listen to the other person, and then respond in a way that shows I care, that I am listening to them, and that gives me an opportunity to convey the meaning that I actually want to convey. I need to speak with purpose, and to let my words match my meaning. I need to let my yes, mean my yes, and my no, mean my no.

All I can say is that kind of mindfulness is new and is much harder for me. It’s going to take discipline and practice to learn new habits, to change my mindset, to really connect with others in my conversations, so that they can trust my words and my heart.