Several people have asked me since I started this journey, if the marriage feast is the launch of some super-search for a spouse or a prayerful fast for a spouse. And the answer to both is no. In fact, if I was dating anyone right now or clearly headed in that direction, I am fairly certain I would not have the guts to do this. (I already feel uber-vulnerable taking this on, and especially sharing it publicly.)
Over the last couple of years, I have learned to trust God more with my dating life, and while not perfect by any means, I have been much more intentional and prayerful about the dating relationships I have been in. I’ve been fortunate to date some high quality godly men. Even in those good relationships, though, I had some kind of block toward marriage. I want to get married, at least I think I want to get married. But I am also really okay being single. God has blessed me with ministry opportunities and close community, with pieces of my life that would look very different if I was married. I value my singleness. And sometimes I have valued it more than the possibility of marriage. And here’s the part I need to be honest about, sometimes I have even devalued marriage, not because of what God intended for it to be, but because of the brokenness and the pain from marriages that all too often fail to live up to that ideal.
For me, this journey is not so much about whether or not I want to get married or will get married. I want to go through this journey to look at marriage again from God’s perspective, to see it as a celebration of His love and goodness , a picture of His redemption and grace, a glimpse of His glory, apart from the distorted view of brokenness and sin. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all…” This journey for me is about honoring marriage more, not valuing singleness less. (Read 1 Corinthians 7 for more on valuing both.) The last thing I want to do is feed discontentment in my life. I want God’s best for me, whether single or married. And I want to honor the institution of marriage and family that He created.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate.” – Mark 10:7-9.
Sometimes that God-envisioned marriage is very different from the brokenness & pain of earthly marriages. We’re all broken, but how do we move beyond the brokenness we see, especially broken relationships and failed marriages? How do we allow Christ to heal our hearts & transform our lives? How do we view marriage again the way God sees it - through the lens of His restoration & redemptive work?
My plan for next week is to look at stories that have shaped my understanding of marriage, for better and for worse, to acknowledge some of the raw brokenness, but also to celebrate the radical good. I hope you’ll read along, whether single or married, and find hope and encouragement yourself.
As always, I welcome your thoughts and feedback along the way.
Additional Resources:
The Bachelor Pastor: Premarital reflections on singleness, purity, and ministry
For a great clip on valuing singleness in ministry and as a gift from God, check out this clip from Pastor Steve DeWitt from Bethel Church in Indianapolis. He is a 44 year old senior pastor, who recently married for the first time. This clip is his last sermon as a single pastor and offers his reflections on singleness, ministry, & purity.
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