As I start this journey, I need first to acknowledge the brokenness of marriage. Marriage is for better or for worse, or probably more accurately for better and for worse. I have witnessed the joys of beautiful weddings and the hope of a new life together, the addition of children, and the richness of God’s apparent blessing. But I have also all too often witnessed pain & heartbreak, dashed hopes and families ripped apart. My hope is that by sharing some of these stories, both for better and for worse, that God will reveal anew His covenant and His plan for marriage, His healing and His redemption in the midst of our brokenness.
These stories are all true and they are people that I know personally, some closer than others. These, though, are not the stories of distant acquaintances, but the stories of people that I have in some way shared life with through the years. Of course, I don’t know all the details of every situation. These are reflections based on what I observed, from the vantage point of friendship. I have changed all the names to protect their identity.
For Worse...
Meet my friend Katie, married with beautiful children. Her husband, a leader in the church, is arrested for online sexual activity with a minor. The brokenness, the broken trust, the lies and the deception, the family ripped apart – and even worse, in a public way. How do you explain that to your children? Or yourself? I can’t imagine.
Meet my friend Jill. After her first year of marriage, she sensed her husband withdrawing. She later discovered her husband was addicted to pornography. She found herself competing with fantasies that could never disappoint and losing. Thankfully, Jill & her husband are still together, but it took years for him to claim victory over the addiction, for them to recover and heal, and to rebuild that broken trust.
Meet my friend Allen, married with a child. His wife thought even though she was married, it was okay to look. Unfortunately, she continued a little further down that road thinking she wasn’t hurting anyone and ended up having a long-term affair. Eventually, Allen discovered the lies & betrayal, devastating him and ripping the family apart.
“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, Lord, is in you.”
– Psalm 25:16-21
“[The Lord] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
– Psalm 147:3
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
– Psalm 34:18
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen…for God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” – Hebrews 13:4
“…[The Lord] has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.” - Isaiah 61:1
Please pray for all of these individuals and their families, and others that may be suffering the aftermaths of pornography or other sexual sin. Pray God will comfort them in the midst of the pain and brokenness. And pray that God will bring healing and peace in their lives.
For Better...
Meet my friend Nancy. Her husband is in the military, a hotbed for adulterous relationships and infidelity. Yet, their marriage has withstood numerous deployments, challenging times and job transitions. Intentionally seeking God each step along the way, and with the prayers & support of their church family, their marriage has seemed to grow only stronger with time, tested and refined by the fires, but not destroyed.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” –1 Peter 1:6-7
For those who are married, how do you live a holy and honorable life in your marriage? How can we intentionally show honor to God through marriage?
Next: For Better and For Worse - Money
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